


my past and don't ask and don't tell

by heart_nouveau



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: Addiction Themes, Established Relationship, Eve has issues, F/F, Mild Hurt/Comfort, POV Eve Polastri, Slice of Life, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, so does Oksana
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:54:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25977772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heart_nouveau/pseuds/heart_nouveau
Summary: Eve is sitting on the balcony, smoking, while Oksana cries in the bathroom.
Relationships: Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova
Comments: 8
Kudos: 91





	my past and don't ask and don't tell

Eve is sitting on the balcony, smoking, while Oksana cries in the bathroom.

Oksana doesn’t think that Eve knows she’s crying. But Eve does.

She also knows that Oksana needs her time and space, and that the bathtub can be a good place for grappling with bad, difficult things you’ve done.

She’s also taking advantage of Oksana’s alone time to sneak a cigarette, because it turns out that between working for free at the Bitter Pill and trying to drink and smoke all her problems away, her nicotine addiction became… well, an actual addiction. Oksana hates when Eve smokes, so. She’s smoking now. Sue her.

She finishes the cigarette, ashing it against the dirty concrete of the balcony, then pops a stick of the gum she keeps inside the carton for this reason and goes inside.

Their hotel room has a cheap coffeemaker. She opens the minifridge, pulls out a liter-sized plastic bottle of water, and lets the machine run without any grounds. It only takes a minute, and then she rips open a teabag packet, drops it into one of those hotel mugs that always seem too small, and watches as rusty color blooms into the water.

Oksana doesn’t respond to Eve’s light knock on the bathroom door, so Eve knocks again until she hears a loud sniff and muffled, “Yes?”

She eases the door open. Oksana hasn’t even bothered to close the shower curtain. She’s sitting in the filled tub with her knees drawn up, damp hair plastered to her face. Red-rimmed eyes, blank expression. But beautiful, as always, even so.

Without saying anything, she bends down and hands Oksana the cup of peppermint tea. Oksana accepts it gratefully, wrapping both hands around the dingy china.

“Are you okay?” Eve asks, taking a seat on the closed toilet.

Oksana shrugs, her mouth a tight line. She drinks about half of her tea before she seems to come back to life and drums her fingers on one knee expectantly. “Come here.”

Knowing what she wants, Eve leans over the side of the tub and kisses her. The novelty of this hasn’t worn off – Oksana’s lips are soft and familiar, their warmth seeping into Eve’s skin like a bloodstain. Oksana closes her eyes briefly before she pulls back and narrows them, clearly having caught the scent. “Were you smoking?”

“No,” Eve lies, automatically and innocently.

“I can smell it on your hair, Eve.” The worst affront of all. Eve can’t hide her guilty expression.

Oksana folds both arms over her naked chest and stares daggers at Eve. “You’re leading yourself to an early grave. Smoking is so bad for you, _and_ it ages your skin.”

Eve bites back a thought that isn’t new—that she probably isn’t long for this world, not with the life they’ve chosen together. But that’s far too serious to get into right now. The future is not something they’ve even figured out how to talk about yet.

She doesn’t even know how much of a future they’re going to get.

“I’m sorry,” she says. “We can get the patches again.”

“Really, Eve. Your flawless genetics can only take you so far.”

Eve laughs out loud and Oksana’s face softens. “Did you start smoking again because of me? I won’t be mad if that’s why.”

She’s predictably narcissistic as ever, but not wrong. All of the dark upheaval inside Eve had first come dislodged because of Oksana. From her violence that can surge up without warning to the crazy things Oksana lets Eve do to her in bed to yes, a tendency toward addiction. And that’s not even mentioning, though they’ve avoided the topic today, the alarming amount of red wine Eve manages to go through in a week.

So maybe Oksana does have a point. Maybe she could take better care of herself for Oksana, who would be left behind if she kicked it from lung cancer or a heart attack or some other disease unhealthy old people get. Who would take care of Oksana then?

Instead of getting angry, Eve reaches out in a conciliatory gesture. Oksana places her little hand on the rim of the bathtub and it’s wet when Eve clasps it. One of the hands that have killed more people than even Eve knows. The same hands that exist now only to hold Eve’s own. “Do you want to go out for dinner?”

Oksana nods.

“What do you feel like?”

“Thai food,” Oksana decides.

“Sounds great. I’ll wear a tank top,” Eve offers, and is rewarded when Oksana lights up with a smile. If only it were always that easy.

“Are you going to tell me why you were crying?” she tries gently.

But Oksana only bites her lip and shakes her head. She looks stubborn, embarrassed, and Eve doesn’t blame her. Talking about feelings is the worst. It’s bad enough just to have them.

“Okay.” Eve sighs and gets to her feet. “Just know that you can always talk to me about anything.”

Oksana stretches her arm up as far as it will go and only releases Eve’s hand when she can reach no further. She tilts her head up, looking at Eve. “I know.”

Eve pauses with her hand on the doorframe, affection tugging her back for one last glance. “All right. Get dressed and we’ll go.”

Closing the bathroom door, Eve considers her options. She knows her girlfriend well enough that to guess she has at least thirty minutes before Oksana picks out the perfect outfit.

Yeah.

She definitely has time for another cigarette.

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t have strong opinions on whether Villanelle/Oksana is the right name to use, but she felt like Oksana here. Smoking and vaping really are horrible for your health, so Oksana’s right. Eve should quit.
> 
> Title from “dont ask dont tell” by Tove Lo. I'm getting back in the writing habit (currently finishing up WIP drafts) and comments are always appreciated; I'm [also on Tumblr](https://roseroadkingsroad.tumblr.com/).


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